Adam’s Man Burgers


Adam’s Man Burgers
Makes 8-12 patties

The recipe you’ll see below is the result of years of trial and error, and using whatever condiments or spices we had in the kitchen to get the taste just right. As Phoebe informed me last time, ingredient quantities like “a poop load” aren’t particularly helpful, so I tried my best to quantify what was coming out of my crazy hands into these tasty morsels; that said I encourage you to mix and match as you see fit. –Adam
Read the original recipe here.

I recommend my burgers to be served on a sesame seed bun with cheese and some mashed avocados on top along with the holy trinity of mustard, mayo, and ketchup. Finally, the burgers should be cooked medium rare, as only fascists and people concerned with their health/well-being eat burgers more well done than that, and I try not to associate with either of those groups.


4 pounds of ground hamburger meat – I normally go with half 80/20 and half 90/10 because I’m indecisive, but the lean/fat mix is up to you
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon of pepper
1/2 teaspoon of garlic salt
1 teaspoon of soy sauce
1 egg
1 tablespoons of BBQ sauce
2 tablespoons of Teriyaki sauce
3 tablespoons of Peter Luger’s Steak Sauce
4 tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce
2 Avocados sliced
8-12 Cheese Slices
8-12 Sesame seed buns
Ketchup, Mustard, Mayo

Place the meat in a large mixing bowl or casserole dish. In a smaller bowl, combine the egg, salt, pepper, garlic salt, soy, bbq, Worcestershire, steak, and teriyaki sauces. Stir well and add to the meat bowl. With clean hands, incorporate the liquids into the meat. By the end of this intimate time together, the meat should be moist and should smell pretty good. If that’s not the case, add a little bit more Luger’s and Worcestershire sauce.

For best result, massage meat using man hands

Once meat is at the desired consistency (or olfactory state of deliciousness), form it into burger patties about the size of your palm. My preferred portioning is just under half a pound per person (about 12 patties for this recipe), leaving them just wide enough to fit on your buns after a good trip to the grill.

Get the grill (or grill pan) nice and hot. If on an outdoor grill (Phoebe’s family is partial to Webers), cook the patties with the top on for about 5 minutes (until the bottom becomes seared and the top begins to gray) and then flip.

Replace the top and cook for about 4 more minutes. When close to finished, add cheese and briefly toast the buns. Once cheese is melted, serve immediately.

Recommended serving technique as follows: take a few avocado slices, mash them up with a fork (so that they don’t make the bun slippery) and then put them on top of the burger. Add mayo and mustard on the top half of the bun, and create a generous kiddie pool of ketchup on your plate for dipping. Enjoy with friends, though preferably not at the same time.

Posted in: Just Recipes
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